The 13th of Never

I wasn’t being fair actually, truth is - love is still that many splendor thing. I have been there and I know. It’s beautiful. It is exactly like what they say – higher than the mountain, deeper than the ocean. So go for it! I guess my emotional intelligence (if there was any..) must be showing zero on the scale when I wrote my 13th of Never. It was the tension between skepticism and reality actually – I’m still skeptical about eternal, undying, irrevocable love (more into not believing)… but the world is still full of people believing and looking for love and finding them!. Being in the real world and sharing the same space, collision is simply inevitable and when skepticism and reality collided, you get totally deep and clueless..(as I am now ..). I really thought it was safe to go back into the water again but as soon as I took the dip, I realized that things are still the same, dang!. I’m still hurting the people that I love - the very thing that make me walk away from love, once before. I don’t want anyone to get hurt anymore. No mas!! I guess, love in totality is simply not for me. I’m still very repulsive to the line of questioning, without which accountability and responsibility to your partner are reduced to frustrations and hurts. I know there are lot of things wrong in me that need fixing but..arrggh! In the meantime –Just don’t get tangled up with me. You my fren, are much too precious.



Dizz, nanti kalo nak call, sms dulu K. Boleh la I telan ubat tahan tido. =))

Anis – come out and play, kucing dah xde.



Currently wishing for:
Nikki of Malaysian Idol 1

By Zulkifli Zain aka Dot aka Town’sThief
Release date: Sept.16, 2005

Tipon kat opis...

oO O I wonder if I have used 'this' b4..

I dont normally come in here on Saturday..dulu mmg selalu until somebody said I need a life.. (sedap jari jer dorang tu..). Tapi arini kena masuk jugak sebab nak kasi tau..fon i ada kat opis (but i takde sana..)

Farm..I nyanyi happy birthday kat anak u sini jer la...boleh? Happy Birthday to you...happy birthday to youooo..happy birthday to anak farmmm, happy birthday to you...( and on behalf of Myspace and Myangels..Happy Birthday to you.....(claps! claps! claps).

Pie, kalo u ada call I...monday nanti I call u balik eh. Malas nak gi opis amik tipon. Semalam dalam kelam kabut - tpon tertinggal kat opis (ker dlm kete my sis..??

Something triggered my mind today..and it brings me to 'Sliding Door'..a movie by Paltrow..yup Gwyneth Paltrow. It was about parallel life ( ker parallel world.). Could I be experiencing the same thing here...nvr mind I'l write about that later..but it's kinda spooky u know..arini masuk nak tulis pasal tipon jer.

Eh..anis mana eh? masih ilang lagi..? Dizz...kalo u nak gossipkan i ngan arielle..I relakan jer ..Pie, monday K. Beeeeeeeeeeee ))))))))). Lilot, u dah sampai sini..tak call I, how to memamdu asmara camni..

Mintak maaf..

Tak lama lagi puasa...and then raya. This morning a fren passed away, ada liver problem..met him last, abt 2 weeks ago. Mata dah kuning, perut dah memboncit sket..masa jumpa tu I knew he will have to go tapi macam mana I nak cakap 'mintak ampun, mintak halal makan dan minum'. Kesian bini dia and anak dia yg kecik2 tu (kembar)... I hope they'l get by..

Cakap pasal 'mintak ampun mintak halal makan minum' , with this fren, i thot nak tunggu raya..mmg ingat nak mintak maaf masa raya nanti..jadi tak la obvious sgt..tapi tak sempat. Masa jumpa dia 2 weeks ago, mulut tu ringan jugak nak cakap...but how to, mmg tak terkeluar dari mulut..

Other than time raya, mmg takde 'best time' to mintak maaf dah bila u jumpa kawan yg already in that situation..I dah banyak gak buat salah ngan orang...and I have no idea where they are now. When I was 21 or 22, somebody said to me ' U kejam macam binatang..takde hati perut'. All I did was to end a relationship ( a clean relationship, no sex involved ). It lingers on...sampai arini. Mana I nak carik dia..? Macam mana I nak mintak maaf..? There were a few more yg i kena mintak maaf...and I dont even know where they are.. Masa kat hostel dulu, ada sorang kawan lelaki..patah tangan dia masa main bola. Dia tak suka dan tak tahu main bola..tapi I paksa dia main, since dia tatau main, I suruh dia jadi goalkeeper..as a result, tangan dia patah and dia tak bercakap ngan I...I dah mintak maaf kat dia masa last day..tapi dia buat tatau jer..mana I nak carik dia..mungkin kalo jumpa pun i dah tak kenal dia..

So..arini ni, pada masa ni..I nak mintak maaf kat sini..to all my frens (mana la tau..kot2 dorang tersesat masuk space ker..). I'm so sorry. I was young then..very young. And to all my space/ym buddies...Pie, Leen, Liza Burung Antu, Farm, Anis, Dizz, Yan, Arielle, Liliot, Too Protective Malay Lady, Ly : I mintak maaf dari ujung rambut sampai ujung jari. [-o< (emote mintak ampun..)

All about nothing...

Talk about As, hutang asam pedas dah selesai. . Last Sat, for the first time since 'balik' Melaka, I pergi Jonker's Walk...best jugak. Rasa macam kat Petaling Street pun ada ( Chinatown ni..kat memana pun mcm sama jer kan..), tapi yg best kat sini ni, the ppl are more friendly..kat Petaling Street kalo u tawar menawar and tak beli...siap u. Kat sini - dorang baik sgt.

Five of us went there - Hassan, Mezah, Lyn, As and of cos yours truly. I pergi Hotel Puri...it's a WOW! tak percaya hotel mcm tu ade kat mesia. It's like u r in another place..way back in 1800s or early 1900s perhaps. The setting is unbelievable...and the whole place was like a Fiesta, there was dancing in the street and memacam lagi, susah nak citer.(this time I takmo citer As panjang2 dah..hehe)

Pagi tadi - dapat sms from Anis, asking me why i called her early in the morning..Huh??! I called dia??! Me..??Mesti anis silap ni kot. So i checked my phone - mmg ade nombor anis kat 'dialled calls' - time 6.15am. . Mcm mana boleh jadi camtu...tak ingat langsung I made tht call...aiiyaa I must be sleep phoning..issh! macam mana nak explain kat anis nih. Did I say something stupid, something crazy, something......luckily Anis tak angkat tipon..Phew!!! A huge Phew!!!

Now tengah cuba xnak tido, mlm ni ManU main ngan Benfica at 2.35am..mesti kena tgk. Bee..mana u.

Pie, U chelsea kan...bersiap sedia la utk menangis... I gotta go..nak cek kl1 jap.

Dont tell the government..

Love, relationship..what is it? Why so many got lost in space..over love and relationship. And why ppl keep buying hurt, keep getting raw deal out of this thing called love. And yet we still want to follow the same path..of getting lost, getting hurt and getting a no-deal deal.

Love is nothing actually but the activity of men and women in pursuit of their ends and their perceived happiness...it is that thing we do to achieve our own ends. Some want to achieve it sooner than later..against the 'natural' flow..thus justifying everything to meet the ends. The means justify the end, so they say. But dont forget, "it's that thing that we DO"..meaning something we choose to do. The problem starts when we expect the pace of the other to be the same as ours, and we start to expect the other to do the things that we do.. Ever heard of love will find its own way...? Let love do its part..at its own pace.. I dont know if that will stop the pains, the hurts or the 'raw deals' but that will difinitely be more thrilling..

Am not cloaking..

Ppl are really nuts, u know AND you dont have to master the art of observation to see that. Really, they are nothing daunting at all. Of course being nuts isnt always bad in and of itself.

It is fascinating to see how we try to deal with some situations sometimes. The fact is we havent really learned the life lessons that can put all our emotions into perspective.

Love and attention are two of the most common coveted things - from day 1, the day we were born. We always want the most, to be the no.1 but there can never be no.1 for everyone. That's just how things are, we cant get the most of everything all the time, not even most of the time - but the pursuit continues.

All things said, it is not always easy to keep your cool when everyone start to act up, not when they are all over you.

But if you really look at the big picture, we are nothing more than just a child who still need to be shown the silver lining every now and then.... Yes it's a sigh..

To all my angels...by all means, get all over me..

Not thinking

You know, not thinking can be good sometimes. Like they say..'nothing is wrong or right but thinking makes it so'. We should listen more to our heart and not put things to too much thinking. The beauty about not thinking is that u dont have to do any damage control. You skip all those 'what if' part..'If'ing are sometimes overated I think..

I'm not saying thinking is bad..it never was. Thinking is, some say, a kind of internal process/reaction/mechanism that creates fear as a mean of protecting ourselves...But when u do that, you tend to miss a lot of things for fear of err..mmph I dont know .. humiliations?, embarrassment?, or lost of pride maybe?..the point is, you also lost the chance to be spontaneous, the very thing that add colors to our daily lives.. People miss the point sometimes, they miss the little secret of not thinking. Not thinking is itself your best defence - think about it. LOL! You'l get away with lots and loads of things...

But then again..you cant go on living in this world without thinking either...

I have done the craziest things in life..and I have achieved a lot of things too by not thinking...(selectively) but I'm not sharing..not now, mebbe later. Later later...

Erti Kesabaran...

Bulan poser ni terasa nak tulis pasal kesabaran la pulak.. Bulan baik la katakan, kena la tulis pasal mende-mende yg baik...

They say, cats have 9 lives..!! Tu i tatau..but apa yg i nampak cats (on these particular instances..) dorang punya kesabaran..mak aii, mmg susah nak percaya. For the past 3 days, I dok perati kucing I tgh mengurat sekor kucing betina nih..(nama kucing I Boncit - pasal masa kecik dulu dia boncit). Dulu dia mmg boncit, tapi sekarang dah jadi taiko, ( dia jer rasa dia tu taiko..). Kalo tgk badan dia, mmg la ada macam potongan rimau bintang..cantik, perut kempis...tapi yg tak tahan tu..kencing merata. Territorial marking konon..tapi kucing lain sumer buat tatau jer kat territories dia. Selamba jer kucing jantan lain lalu tempat dia kencing tu tanpa perlu berhati-hati..silap2 dorang kencing pulak kat tempat dia kencing tu Tapi i bukan nak cerita pasal kencing kucing..nak cerita pasal boncit punya kesabaran. Time ni kita sumer sebok berpuasa, dia sebok nak mengawan...musim kot. Right now ( for the past 3 days..) dia dok nak mengawan ngan sekor kucing betina ni tapi kucing betina ni mcm tak minat sgt kat dia...but she kept teasing Boncit. Boncit ni plak..mana kucing betina ni pergi, dia mesti ikut. Betina lari, boncit kejar. Betina berenti, boncit pun berenti. Kalo betina tu lepa sket..boncit try panjat..tapi tak berjaya.But si Boncit ni..tak give up langsung..dia dok ngekor mana saja betina ni pergi..ari pertama itu jer yg berlaku, kejar mengejar, ikut mengikut. Boncit macam tak dapat jer dari pagi sampai petang..bunyi jer bising ( sore macho kucing la kot). Si betina ni plak..bila boncit dok perati dia, dia buat la ngada dia..guling-guling kat atas jalan lah..sambil ngeliat-ngeliat ( I think this action sama macam pompuan buat pole dancing kot..). Masa boncit tgh bz nak mengawan..i cuba gak distract dia ngan friskies - tak berjaya. Bagi ikan goreng - pun gagal jugak..si betina tu plak yg dtg makan. On the second day, i tgk dia still going after kucing betina tu...sama macam semalam..tak makan tak minum..asik dok ngekor kucing betina tu..penuh dgn kesabaran. And at one time...boncit nyer sworn enemy pun join sama. Sworn enemy dia ni..kalo jumpa boncit..mesti bergaduh tapi time tu...dorang dah macam 'lupa' nak gaduh...for half a day the sworn enemy was there..trying his luck..but in the end..dia tinggalkn betina mcm tu jer..BUT NOT boncit, he waited and he waited..hinggakan mlm2 pun dok dgr sore 'macho' dia ngejar betina. On the 3rd day..pun macam tak dapat jer lagi. Heran betul, dia boleh mcm tu punya sabar, tak give up langsung...Dlm i dok perati tu..rupa nyer ada orang lain plak perati I dok perati Boncit...budak2 pompuan Politeknik yg sewa umah few doors away..sambil lalu, selamba jer dorang cakap 'kurang pahala puasa tu kang.., dah 2 ari dah..' LOL! By now..I'm sure he got somewhere...sbb dah tak dengar sore macho dia dah..either that or dia dah give up (which I dont think so - not after 3 days of 'bersengkang' mata..). Boncit, boncit..! I dont think I will ever have his patience..( mebbe he's just lemau kot..)

Error of perception...

Today..if u take a drive from Mlacca to Penang, it takes abt 4 to 5 hrs..The return journey also takes abt 4 to 5 hrs. In fact everytime you go from somewhere to anotherwhere, the time factor will always be there..logically. Journey IS abt time and how you spend those time. Likewise in life, same rules applies, but most of the time, rather than enjoying and living life, we let our lives being controlled by fear and uncertainties. It is OK to fear tho', fear is nothing. It is just part of our psycological make up...but it's the things that we do are causing some uneasy, irritability and worries. We keep searching for an answer or a meaning until we get so caught up with it that in the end, what we are looking for gets lost in the process.

Mathematically...( Einstein would vouch for me..m sure), if we spend most of our life time searching, we will never get to the part of living...And that's where all the fun are..

I dont want to spend my life spinning and searching, it's too time consuming..there are better things. I will take life both as it is and as I want it to be..fear to me is still what it is - a make up.

Your life is still your choice. As long as we can learn how to learn..we'll be fine..

Azhari oh azhari......

What sex...?

Can men and women really be frens..? Non-sexual, non- lips locking frens..? Yeah..m talking abt platonic realtionship..? Are they for real or just plain myth..?

True.., men and women have been beautifully configured to attract one another, but is that the reason why frenship between sexes are doomed to failure from day one..esp. with all the beast, the phantom and the ogre looming..? Are we really on dangerous ground..? I mean dangerous waters..?

I have been asked these questions a billion times and i spend another billion hrs answering, at times defending...

Well..I can only answer this for myself..assuming Alicia Keys is not out there, I'd say YES! Men and women can be fren, just fren - no sex, no lockling legs..oops lips. Sure there will be temptations and attractions but there are other bigger things..things like hmmm...errmmm ( ??..!), how abt the line that lies between friendship and whtever else..? how abt that..? or how abt....err.., the point is, stop using that exhausted cliche that we're only human as an excuse.

If we want to be just frens, we can be platonic and if we want to be something else..that too. We human are much stronger than we thot..we have the strength to make wise, sensible and levelheaded choices. ( leave Alicia Keys out of this k, she's N/A).

We cant be tht vulnerable and helpless..

Live in hope......

I dont want to have egg all over my face but it's idiotic isnt't it when ppl say they know wht u feel or wht u are going thru when they cant possibly know, (i'm guilty as hell..i'v been doing that, say a million times.?). but when it comes to me..my mind is always blank. I understand the good intentions tho, and I'm the kind who appreciate good intentions but there are times your meat is my poison and your villain my hero. We may speak the same language but do u know wht i mean..?

How many times u'v been there, jaws dropping, listening to those lines and the advises that come with it afterward - it can be hair tearing .

I can see some eggs coming...

To love somebody

Salam

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